Thank-you

I began writing this a while ago, and I finally finished it.....

Well, yesterday being Mother's Day really made me want to write my first post. I have been thinking about this for a long while now so here I go.

I was at dinner with my fiance's family last night, when his sweet grandmother was trying to make conversation with me.
She politely asked,"Oh, Indy, did you see your mother today?" expecting me to say something like,"Oh yes, it was so lovely. I love my mother. She influenced my life so much and was always there for me. I know she loves me too."

I replied with a simple,"No."

There was an awkward silence I found hilarious, and no one really knew what to say. I laughed to myself and quickly tried to change the subject so grandma wouldn't feel as though she'd upset me at all, because she hadn't. I completely understand that most people's Mother's Day consists of lots of flowers, gifts, cards, and chocolates. They want to do something for their mom's who had sacrificed so much to raise them and love them no matter what they did. These mothers are such a huge influence on everyone and they deserve a day!

On the other hand, there are those whose mothers did NOT sacrifice so much for them. The moms who slept all day, worked all night, avoided their families, and regretted having children. The moms who resented and even envied their kids, those who made their children become adults when they should have been children!

I spent a lot of my life wondering if my childhood was normal, and it wasn't. It isn't normal to make peanut butter and jelly for you and your brother when you are 3 years old, and then macaroni and cheese at 5. It isn't normal to be left home alone every day, you and your siblings watching each other. I know there are many who have had similar experiences and even worse ones. I am fully aware that I am not the only one who had to grow up in a broken home, with fighting parents and a disconnected mother.

But that does not mean that my feelings and thoughts are irrelevant. I am allowed to wonder and ask,"WHY. Why did this happen to me? I want a loving mother whom I can trust! I want my parents to be married and happy forever. I don't want to hate my mom. WHY COULDN'T I HAVE THAT HAPPY LIFE LIKE I WANT? Why was I given this?"

And I think I finally know, at least a little bit, why.

I now have a great, detailed example of what I DO NOT want to be as a parent. I want to have love in my home, I want to love my family! I have such great motivation behind me to do good and be a good mother. I know what happens to a person when they don't, because it happened to me. And that doesn't mean that I am broken forever and I am depressed, BUT I AM ALSO ABLE TO BE HEALED. Yup, I said it. I can be healed, through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. He suffered so that we never have to suffer alone. All the times we are sad, hurt, angry, miserable, sick..He knows how we feel because He already suffered those things for us, and because of that, we can be fixed and mended...we can be made whole.

The point of this post is to show that we are never alone, and that Jesus Christ is real, He lives! We all pass through problems, trials, mishaps, and sickness. but we can always learn from those experiences and find the good in our every day. I love my Father in Heaven and I love Jesus Christ.